Welcome to the second annual #TwolfRank. It’s one of our favorite times of the year, to say the least. We’re down to our final three players. As always, you can follow Jonah (@howlintwolf), Tom (@Tom_NBA) and Derek (@DerekJamesNBA) on Twitter as well to partake in the fun. If you’ve missed any, you can find them here.
(Disclaimer: 1) I’m not saying that Kobe Bryant intentionally tried to hurt Ricky Rubio. Don’t be so sensitive; 2) Read Jonah’s post so you have any idea what I’m talking about here before you read this.)
For two seasons Ricky Rubio has been dazzling Timberwolves fans with his spectacular passes and warming their hearts with his charming personality. Yet, very few people know the true story of the Origins of Rubio. Or the Genesis of Rubio. Whichever sounds cooler.
Long ago and an ocean away, there was once a land called, well, España. Since the Middle Ages Kings fought battles in the name of an enchanted unicorn named Ricardo Rubio I Vives. Before the arrival of Ricardo, the water was unpotable and the land had been devastated by famine, poverty and illness.
One day a hoofed, woodland creature emerged from the forest surrounded in an aura of light. Upon his arrival the townspeople warmly greeted the creature as it nourished the land, cleansed the water supply and healed the sick. Additionally, it was a favorite of the maidens of the land, much to the chagrin of the gentlemen of the land. A revelation of this nature would not stay hidden for long and other lands would soon hear the news of Ricardo Rubio I Vives: The Mystical Unicorn of Spain.
Royalty from all over the world came from far and wide to catch a glimpse of the magical unicorn and witness his magical powers. Ricardo Rubio I Vives proved to the skeptics that he was no myth or legend as they watched him heal the land and restore hope, almost singlehandedly.
After several years had passed, the unicorn soon realized that other regions were in greater need of his help than Spain. Soon, Ricardo Rubio I Vives would travel overseas, across the great ocean to a land that had been devastated by the decisions of it’s rulers. Beforehand, he appeared to the great Nikolai Pekorov in a dream to summon him ahead of time to join the natural born King, Kevine Love III, also known as Devine Kevine.
Pekorov and King Kevine had struggled to restore peace to a once great land to it’s past greatness, and before long the great unicorn knew it was his time to make his voyage to the North.
Immediately, the unicorn adapted to his new land. Gracing Pekerov and King Kevine with his presence, their individual abilities grew seemingly overnight upon his arrival. Even in time he would give the young lion Derrick Williamsburg a purpose and direction, in addition to making the rest of the North’s fighters even better with his remarkable vision.
After watching Ricardo Rubio I Vives help Pekerov take down Howardsano the Terrible, the uprising army in the North caught the eye of Los Angelitos emperor, Kobeus Bryantus. Bryantus was the power hungry ruler of the West whose obsession with being the greatest was notorious across the land. And these uprisings, like the one in the North, were viewed by Kobeus as a threat to his potential legacy.
As the days turned to fortnights, Bryantus’ own people became speaking more of this mystical creature spreading joy and wealth across the frozen land. The emperor couldn’t stomach the thought of wealthy peoples and he soon became crazed with jealousy. In his envious mind he convinced himself that the unicorn must be stopped and would soon travel to the North to do battle with Pekorov, King Kevine and Ricardo the Unicorn.
The Los Angelitos army arrived in the snow covered land of the North halfway through the battle season looking to stifle this rebellion once and for all. The unicorn-led militia began to pick apart the invading Los Angelitos army, but soon found to be nearly overmatched by the rebels. The villagers cheered and applauded as their heroes went blow-for-blow with the great army and the invaders were quickly becoming overwhelmed by their surprise attacks.
Emperor Kobeus was exhausted, angry and embarrassed. He had not lost to this nation very much and didn’t intend to again. Desperately, he encountered the unicorn one-on-one in an attempt to stop the heart of the rebellion.
The unicorn majestically galloped around the attacks of the emperor, frustrating the ruler even more. Enough was enough the emperor decided, so Kobeus struck Ricardo Rubio I Vives above the hoof as the onlookers stood in stunned silence as the Los Angelitos army took the advantage and swept through to calim victory over the North once again.
However, Kobeus had only wounded the unicorn, not slayed him. He would return once again to finish the work he had only begun to start.
As the unicorn worked to heal himself following the attack, but gloom soon returned to the North. King Kevine had been struck with his own wounds, as well as Pekorov before the battle season. All of this dampened the spirits of the once jubilant town’s folk as they watched their heroes recover and the losses in battle pile up. Ricardo Rubio I Vives knew he couldn’t be gone long and willed himself to good health just in time.
Upon his return part way through the battle season, Ricardo the Unicorn called upon Williamsburg to help him salvage as many of the battles as they could. Yet, this proved to be a difficult task with no marksmen. Even the rugged, veteran defense master Andrei “The Great” Kirilenkolev could not stop of all of the losing, but the rebuilding group managed to have their best battle season in nearly a decade.
But the tale goes on. With the future unforeseeable, Ricardo the Unicorn has been granted the gift to spread wealth among his people. The comrades at his side shall never fret for Ricardo’s gift is here. Paired with his will to overcome adversity, the land in the North shall soon rule the land, including that of the evil West.
What? You don’t remember this happening either? This is right around the same period as Jonah’s tale of Nikola Pekovic’s tattoo. Know your history or be doomed to repeat it…or something. Geez.
Anyway, Ricky Rubio is number two on our 2013 #TwolfRank. He may not be the team’s best player. No, he’s really not at all, but he is arguably their most valuable player, especially given the “gifts” already mentioned in his arsenal. With his defense and his incredible passing ability he makes his teammates better by earning extra possessions and then using his vision to setup his teammates for the best possible opportunities. And incredible doesn’t really do what Rubio does justice; it’s like he sees passing lanes that are undetectable to the normal human eye. Everything Rubio does great makes teams become that much better, which is oddly refreshing. Too often have we seen teams revolve around a one-man show (Kobe and the Los Angelitos Army). Rubio’s style equates that of winning basketball, which hopefully turns fortune around in Minneapolis this season.
The weaknesses are obvious such as hit perimeter shooting. But in the mean time, he does enough of the other things well enough to make him well-worthy of his unanimous number two ranking.
@DerekJamesNBA Ricky Rubio: The only thing he breaks down faster than an NBA defense is Timberwolves’ fans hearts.
— J. Euerle (@j_euerle) September 11, 2013
@DerekJamesNBA In a brave new advanced stats world, Rubio reps for the x-factor. Makes his teammates better. Makes everything better.
— Wizard of Shabazz (@Dark_aardvark) September 11, 2013
RT @OmidFerdowsi: @DerekJamesNBA Too many fans have a really, really creepy infatuation with him. (I’m that guy.) haha
RT @OmidFerdowsi: @DerekJamesNBA Not the creepy guy. The guy who didn’t give useful insight. Too much Miley.